INT. STUDIO APARTMENT – NIGHT
BILL and JOE are friends having a conversation.
… It’s a two and a half hour ride…
And every time I see life so clearly.
As if I’m looking at my life laid out
on a table in front of me in a dark room,
with just a spotlight shining down on
the table top… Like you can only see
what’s on the table. And that is my
life there… I’m fucking it up with
this analogy. Point is: it’s all clear
to me. What mistakes I’ve made by being
myself and who I have to become in order
to not make any more mistakes. And it
doesn’t scare me becoming that person
because it is all logical, I see exactly
what I have to do. And then I get there,
get off the bus and before I leave the
bus station it stops being clear. It
becomes all fucked up again with no
reason, no rhyme, no cause, no effect.
Just shit sloshing in my head… But
while the bus is on the highway, I’m
You say it like it’s weird that that
How is it not weird? It’s the same
fucking brain capable of deciphering
life at one time and incapable of the
same thing 45 minutes later. Fucking
You are just giving the explanation of
why people love to travel… That is
the reason why people love to travel.
Because their lives are on hold then.
I thought about that. While on the bus.
I thought about how I’m probably more
relaxed because I’m going back home,
where my parents are, and my home town,
which feels like a safe place to me. So
I thought that it relaxes me enough to
allow for my brain to function on a
higher level. Like certain capacity of
my brain that is used for being afraid
of walking down the street and entering
buildings, is being re-assigned to help
with thinking about shit, when I’m on the
bus. But then when I get there it fucking
I’m not explaining it well.
I was gonna say you are, but… I
don’t know if you are. How can I know?!
What I am trying to say is that…
People like to travel because of what
you described. That clear headed feeling.
They think it is because they are excited
to see the pyramids or some cathedral or
whatever, but it’s not. They enjoy going
to something, looking out the window of
whatever vehicle they’re on. Because that
is when their lives are on hold, and they
can see them laid out before them on that
table, like you said… It’s easy then.
When you are not yet there where you are
headed. So, yes, your brain is freed up
from thinking about most things.
Especially if you are not the one driving.
Then you can really let go, and just
maintain your breathing. But as soon as
you get there, you have to think about
things like moving your legs for walking
and then crossing the street, going into
Traveling is actually like a time for
making plans… Rather than relaxing.
That’s why I always thought the saddest
deaths are the ones that happen on the
road… I think dying in a car crash is
a really horrific way for a life to end.
Car crash, plane crash, train crash…
Because whenever you are going somewhere
you are kind of hoping for the best,
thinking that clear headed shit and then
fucking BOOM. That is sad to me, when
somebody doesn’t get where they are going.
After they get there it is fine if they
die, but not while in transit… Dark way
You are right that it’s a feeling…
More than a thought process. Because I
can recall the thoughts I’ve had on the
bus, and go through them again and they
don’t make as much sense as they did the
first time… Because it becomes real.
Like: “Go do that which you have thought
of.” It becomes too real. It still makes
sense, but I start coming up with excuses
why it doesn’t, because I am confronted
with it. It becomes real then… You nailed
it. Traveling is your life on hold.
It is as if it has something to do with
the movement as well. Like you feel the
inertia of the bus in your bones and it
becomes the inertia of your fate. When
the bus stops moving, your fate gets
lazy… It basically boils down to
laziness. You are a lazy asshole, is all.
Yeah… Do you know anyone who died in
a car crash?
Don’t think so…
I can’t think of anyone that I know…
Actually… I mean, I didn’t know this
guy, but he was a son of a woman who
lived next door, and he died in a car
crash… He got really fucked up, too.
They buried him in a metal coffin,
which was welded shut. That’s what they
do in the morgue, when the body is too
cut up… He was test driving a car at
night. Speeding like a fucking asshole
to see how to car handles, probably. I
mean, how dumb does one have to be?!
A welded shut coffin… What in the fuck?!
Yeah. That’s the first time I’d heard
They shut up for a while, thinking about the coffin.